Awake in Shadows Read online

  “You don’t think I’ve tried to bring her home?” Logan had asked Adara. She’d politely declined. On his third attempt to talk to her, she’d walked right past him and now pretended Logan didn’t exist.

  Utterly childish. Ridiculous. Why did she have to be so stubborn?

  Kevin snapped, “Try harder. We can’t keep going on like this. Our pack needs its alpha. And until you find your balls and come to your senses, apparently, I need to take care of your shit. Now, would you mind?” His gaze dropped to Logan’s hand.

  With a sigh, Logan released Kevin. “I’ll figure something out.” Maybe burn down that church while she was at work. It might make her more amenable to the idea of borrowing a bed at his place. “I’m going to bed.”

  Alone.

  Not that Adara had ever slept with him when they were on speaking terms. Their relationship never got that far.

  It quite possibly never would.

  Adara was damaged goods. Damaged in a way that meant she might never be all right. Might never be ready for the intimacy that occurred between a man and woman. But dammit all, Logan wanted to try.

  He needed her. What would it take to have her forgive him?

  He’d given her space.

  He’d bribed her with food.

  What more could a wolf do?

  Find the answers to her past.

  Now if only he knew where to start.

  Chapter Three

  Where to start? Having arrived for her session with her therapist, Adara debated what she wanted to say in reply to the query, “What has been bothering you the most since our last visit?”

  A loaded question. Lots of things ran through Adara’s mind, most of them unpleasant. The problem with remembering her past was remembering her past. Like a horror movie that played over and over.

  The highlight of her days was sadly becoming the mornings with the breakfast bribery by her door. Would it be so bad to let Logan back into her life? The man kept offering her a real bed. Meals. Friendship.

  More than friendship…

  The last gave her pause, but she was proud to say she didn’t cringe.

  “Adara?” her doctor prodded. “What are you thinking?”

  “I was thinking that maybe it’s time to forgive Logan,” Adara mused aloud from her spot on Dr. Bevin’s couch. It was Thursday, and her regular appointment slot. Her work shift had passed with the most excitement being Kyle spilling his coffee on one of the manifests. Her walk over to the doc’s office proved uneventful. Even the serial masturbator wasn’t there, jiggling himself through a pocket.

  The doctor crossed her legs. “Forgive him? Are you sure you want to do that?” You’ve said it yourself, the man forced you to be tied to him.”

  “Exactly my point.” Adara held up her arm. “His blood runs inside me. We are tied no matter what I do. I can’t escape him.” And maybe she didn’t want to.

  She’d had a few weeks to come to grips with the fact that he’d saved her life because he cared. He’d given her his blood, his werewolf essence, to save her life. He’d done something that changed her, but not in the way she expected.

  A full moon had come and gone without her turning into a slavering beast. The tie hadn’t made her jump his bones or into his bed. She remained in charge. Perhaps the sensation that linked them wasn’t so bad after all?

  But if she forgave Logan, then she’d have to forgive Titus, too. Did she really want to deal with all the drama? Vampires and werewolves did not get along.

  The doctor perused Adara from behind her red-rimmed lenses. “Adara, we discussed how these men were manipulating you and feeding into your delusion.”

  “It’s not a delusion,” Adara insisted. “They’re not normal like you and other humans.”

  Dr. Bevin made a note before she raised her gaze from her notepad. “Vampires and werewolves aren’t real, Adara. Are you taking the medication I prescribed?”

  “I am. But it doesn’t change anything. They’re not working.”

  “The pills work,” her therapist insisted.

  “No, they don’t, but maybe it’s because I’m not entirely human. Could be my body is metabolizing them differently.” She shrugged.

  The doctor sighed. “Oh, Adara. I wish you wouldn’t say that. The things done to you haven’t stripped you of your humanity.”

  Rather than argue, Adara changed the subject. “I hit a different wall last night in my dream.” Another recurring theme in her talks with the doctor. “Crushing vines covered it this time.”

  “Did you manage to scale it at all?”

  She shook her head.

  The doctor scratched on her notepad. “Did you wake yourself before the ugly parts.”

  “Yes.” She didn’t mention that she’d indulged in a bit of the battle. Sometimes, Adara needed to remember what it felt like to be a warrior instead of the shell she’d become.

  “I want you to keep trying. There has to be a way around that wall. Breach it and you’ll find some answers to your past.”

  “What if I don’t want to? What if my past is even worse than what happened after?”

  Dr. Bevin set the pad in her lap and regarded Adara. “If you don’t confront it, how else do you expect to heal?”

  Thing was, Adara had healed. On the outside at least. As for the rest of her…she was working on it. Her recent hobby of hunting minor demons in the city had given her an outlet. One that not only allowed her to vent frustration but also handle her fear.

  Adara didn’t scurry like a mouse in the streets anymore. She strutted. She’d gone from easy prey to predator.

  Exiting the doctor’s office, she noticed twilight starting to fall. As the seasons changed, the days grew shorter and shorter, so she wasn’t entirely surprised when the car with the tinted windows slowed and rolled alongside the sidewalk.

  She ignored the vehicle, even when she heard the whir of a window being lowered.

  “Evening, dearest.” Titus’s modulated tone never failed to draw her attention—and give her a quiver. While Logan rumbled, this man purred.

  She didn’t turn to look, but rather kept walking.

  “I wanted to say you did a fine job the other night of vanquishing the demon living in the sewers under the fish market.”

  “No thanks to you.” The slimy fiend had almost gotten one over on her. It had proven to be a lot faster than expected.

  Grosser, too, with its slimy skin, the touch of it burning the flesh. Adara had found the monster by happenstance, hearing grumblings from the fish mongers that their wares kept getting filched overnight.

  “Help you?” Titus chuckled. “You’ve made it very clear you don’t want my aid.” Which explained why she’d caught him watching as she wrestled the creature, getting burned in the process. He’d not lifted a finger to help her, but he’d done a silent clap when she won—which wasn’t as glorious as she’d hoped given it left her panting, disheveled, and sweating. Then the jerk had the audacity to grin when she flashed him a middle finger.

  “You’re right, I don’t need your help because I’d say you’ve given me enough.” The chilliness of his blood circulated in her body along with the heated version of Logan’s. She found then both almost impossible to ignore. They were always there inside.

  She didn’t like it one bit. She just wanted to be herself, whoever that was.

  “I won’t apologize for saving your life.”

  “And I won’t apologize for being mad about it. You and Logan had no right.”

  Titus might not have sighed audibly, but the tie between them let her feel it. Which was a problem. She didn’t want his feelings. Didn’t want to sense his happiness each time he saw her. How he seethed when she was hurt.

  She didn’t want to care for him. Nor should he care about her.

  The Forsaken must walk alone. She quickened her pace.

  “Would you forgive me if I said I’d found a way to remove the link?” Titus teased.

  She paused and whirled. The car st
opped abruptly.

  “What did you say? Are you serious? Can you get rid of it?”

  “Maybe. I know of someone who can perform a spell to remove the ties binding you.”

  “For real?”

  “For real.” She could hear the smile in his repeated words.

  “Who? Where? When can I get this done?”

  “So eager. Aren’t you going to ask me the cost?”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I don’t have much money.” Just a tin can with a few bills stuffed inside the plastic shell of the wise man in the church basement.

  “The fee is mine to pay, but I do demand one thing in return.”

  “What?” What price would Titus exact?

  He finally showed his face in the window, a handsome man with his blond hair and mesmerizing, blue eyes. He had the features of an ancient Greek statue. Defined and strong. “I want nothing too fearsome, so you can wipe the scowl from your face. All I ask is that you let me back into your life, dearest.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I am not sleeping with you.”

  “That wasn’t what I asked. I simply wish to be your friend.”

  She frowned. “Dr. Bevin says you and Logan are a bad influence. That you feed my delusions and that I’m better off without you.” Personally, Adara thought they were safer staying far away from her.

  “Dr. Bevin might be imminently qualified in many respects; however, pardon my French, she doesn’t know what the fuck she is talking about.”

  Adara almost giggled to hear the profanity emerging from Titus’s perfect lips. “Don’t mock her. She’s really been helping me with the whole dream situation.”

  “Has she? Because there are times I still hear you crying in your sleep.”

  Her lips clamped tight. “That was before. It’s been over a week since I’ve had a problem controlling my nightmares.”

  “True. And if that is the case, then I am happy for you.”

  She couldn’t handle the genuine concern in his gaze. She turned and began walking once more. “Gotta go or I’ll miss the dinner at the shelter.”

  “Let me feed you.”

  “I don’t need your help.” She grimaced. Actually, she did need a favor. “What I mean is, I don’t need you to feed me, but I do want you to make the appointment with your specialist to remove the link between us. The sooner, the better.”

  “As my dearest commands.”

  The window rolled closed as the car sped off, the red taillight keeping her attention until it was out of sight.

  Unlike Logan, Titus didn’t hover, only made a point of finding her every other night, standing in the shadows, ever watchful. The times he didn’t show, she wondered what was more important. The moments she did encounter him, she grumbled because he wouldn’t stay away.

  I really don’t know what I want.

  I want to be me.

  Could Titus truly do as he’d promised? Could he rid her of the weight of his and Logan’s presence from her soul?

  She couldn’t wait to find out.

  The nape of her neck tickled as she walked. She skipped down some stairs to the subway level. Her hard-earned pass getting her past the turnstiles. She already knew Logan would follow, although he didn’t do anything so responsible as pay for his passage.

  Logan leapt over the metal bars for entry and, oddly enough, no one ever gainsaid his passage.

  She could have cursed herself when he caught her watching him. Quickly, she faced forward and joined the other people milling around, waiting for the next train.

  It arrived with a breeze and a whoosh of sound. She allowed herself to be carried by the crowd onto the car and didn’t bother diving for a seat. She grabbed hold of a bar and held tight as the bell dinged. Logan boarded at the far end, and the doors closed.

  She kept her back to him, all too aware that he watched.

  Someone touched her posterior. Crowded as it was on the train, she didn’t excuse the hand that grabbed her butt. Not anymore.

  The first time it had happened, weeks ago, she’d frozen in fear and shock. The unwanted touch bringing back flashes of memories best buried and forgotten.

  She’d run home that day and hid in her basement, rocking and crying dry tears. Since then, she’d learned to fight back against that debilitating fear and shame.

  No one has the right to touch me without my permission. She wrapped her fingers tight around the offending wrist, twisted, and whirled.

  She glared at the guy with his tan skin and dark hair, grimacing in pain. A good-looking fellow old enough to know better.

  “I don’t like to be touched.” Not to mention, no one should be grabbing anyone without permission.

  “Don’t be such a puta about it.” He sneered, a bravado expression and remark that she repaid by twisting a bit harder. She wasn’t sure it would work. He had a few inches and pounds on her.

  He yelped. “Let go, you bitch.”

  “Find someone else to bother.” Just as she was about to release him, she realized her ass grabber wasn’t alone. A few more bodies crowded her, their jackets the same dark leather, bearing identical crests.

  The triumphant smirk returned to the guy’s face. “You’re going to regret that.”

  She heard rather than saw the metallic flick of a knife. A flash of fear had her swallowing. Then she found her courage. She released the ring leader only because she wanted her hands free.

  Opening her mouth, she was ready to say, “Bring it,” when a voice rumbled. “I’d move away from the lady if I was you.”

  One man against a small gang would usually not fare so well. But this was Logan. He oozed menace.

  The thugs scattered.

  She glared at him. “I didn’t need your help.”

  “I know you didn’t.”

  “Then why interfere?”

  He bared his teeth in a wolfish grin. “’Cause I fucking felt like it. They offended me.”

  “You need to stop following me around.” The subway stopped, and she exited with a handful of other people, including Logan.

  “I am not following. I merely happen to be going in the same direction as you.”

  “Really? Where are you going?” she asked.

  “Now who’s stalking who. If you want to know, I guess you’ll have to follow me.” He left her then, taking long strides and then eschewing the escalator to take the stairs, two at a time.

  He never looked back once.

  What a sham. She knew he wasn’t far. If she would but yell, he’d come running.

  Idiot. She bit back a smile.

  Exiting the station, she didn’t see him at all, nor did she spot him the few blocks she had to walk to her makeshift home.

  But she did find the bag from the hot dog place with two chili versions along with some fries and a soft drink. It was better than any shelter food. It just lacked a companion to eat it with.

  However, the question remained: should she trust him?

  In a sense, the doctor was right. Titus and Logan did bring trouble into her life. Now that she refused to get involved with them, she’d found a certain serenity.

  Also known as boredom.

  Surely, there was more to life than just getting by?

  Finished with her meal, she paced the basement, too restless to sleep. Not in the mood to read.

  It was Thursday night. She had to work in the morning, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t go out for a few hours. Night might have fallen, but she no longer feared it.

  I am not afraid.

  Where to, though? She’d already cleared all the areas with suspicious activity. Killed two demons, and now had no idea where to find more.

  Perhaps she should speak to someone who might know where to find some.

  Like Logan and Titus.

  Except, would they really give her any information or locations of demons knowing she’d put herself in danger?

  She needed to speak to new people. People who knew about the Underworld. She just had to fi
nd them first.

  In the movies, and books, there was one thing they all agreed on.

  Monsters liked to party.

  Looked like she was going clubbing tonight.

  Chapter Four

  “We need to make a detour before hitting the club,” Titus told his driver.

  Having dumped his dinner companion—her eyes at half-mast, and her body in need of sustenance and sleep after his meal—Titus drummed his fingers in the backseat, agitated. He remained in that state the entire drive to snare his capable right-hand.

  The stop in front of a condo in midtown took only a moment. Stefan got into the town car, looking freshly showered and glaringly bright in his pressed spring green slacks and lavender shirt. His eyes were heavily lidded in satisfaction.

  “I see you fed well.” As an incubus, Stefan’s meal of choice tended to be of the sexual variety. Although, any strong emotion would do.

  “It was a filling meal, but that was all I got. The woman remembered nothing extra about Adara’s appearance in the ER.”

  Stefan, the loyal servant, wisely mixing business and pleasure. The business being digging into Adara’s past. A past that didn’t seem to exist.

  Adara had suddenly appeared one day, dumped outside an emergency room. Broken to the point where the doctors didn’t think she’d live. She’d proven them wrong, healing faster than expected.

  Then, disappeared. Only to draw a jaded vampire’s attention.

  Adara was the only woman in centuries to arouse Titus’s interest. Her past remained shrouded in secrets, and the more they peeled the layers, the less they knew.

  The more he wanted…

  “The hospitals are a dead end. They know nothing of her past. We have to find information about her from before the injuries happened.”

  “Which has proven impossible thus far.”

  “Keep trying,” Titus ordered. “Also, after you drop me at the club, I need you to contact Madam Poulin and make an appointment.”

  “You can’t seriously be thinking of going back to see that witch.”

  A reference to the last visit, which had resulted in a rash that took weeks to heal. But it was worth the five minutes of sunlight. “I am, indeed, and I’ll be bringing Adara with me.”