Old Demon and the Sea Witch: A Hell Cruise Adventure (Welcome to Hell Book 10) Read online

  “We’re not doing anything wrong.”

  “Other than going behind his back.”

  “Then tell him,” I begged.

  “Tell him I’m researching a prophecy predicting his demise at the hands of his own child? Are you crazy? We’d be better off telling him we’re having an affair.”

  True. I might survive, especially if I agreed to a threesome. “I am impressed you managed to convince the king of Atlantis to let the cruise visit his city island.”

  Gaia smirked. “I said ‘Tsunami,’ and Rexxie said, ‘Anything you’d like, Goddess.’ It took them centuries to recover from the last time I wiped them out for being disrespectful.”

  “Here’s to hoping we find a copy of the prophecy.” Because it was missing from Hell’s library. Every mention of it had been wiped out. Yet I knew it existed because I’d seen it once, a long, long time ago. The day a certain witch had come to see me as a matter of fact.

  That meeting didn’t end well, and the book had gone off for restoration. It never returned. Disappeared, all trace of it gone. I’d been searching for it ever since. Never found the original, but I did run into a rumor. An ancient Mesopotamian god who never left his cave told me to check the library in Atlantis.

  Problem was getting there. For centuries, the city had been hidden under the ocean.

  “That old story probably has nothing to do with my precious baby,” Gaia said, wringing her hands. “But I have to be sure. Have you seen the petition circulating about Damian’s title?”

  I had. Someone had started a campaign to have Lucifer’s son declared a simple dark prince. They claimed he couldn’t be the Antichrist since he had been born in wedlock, a product of loving and willing parents. The followers of the End of Times, who expected one day to be led by the Antichrist, demanded a true Son of Perdition. One achieved during a proper ravishment of a mortal woman during a dark rite involving blood sacrifice.

  Lucifer might have agreed if Mother Nature hadn’t promised castration if she caught him screwing around on her.

  Needless to say, the devil chose to ignore the petition and obey his wife.

  “Not all prophecies come to pass,” I reminded Gaia.

  After all, the one about her daughter predicted she’d also bring about the apocalypse. Instead, Muriel had settled down with a few men—four at last count, although there were wagers a fifth would be coming. Lucifer’s daughter even had a kid and was disgustingly suburban—Lucifer’s words, not mine. He’d said the fact that she had orgies with her four men was the only reason he’d not disowned her for leading such a normal, happy life.

  “I am aware that some prophecies shift over time. Actions have reactions. But something’s nagging me about this one.” Gaia worried, and the flowers in her crown wilted.

  “Is this because of that meme being passed around Snaphell and Hellbook?” It showed the nebulous figure of the Antichrist standing on the bodies of his parents and crushing the Earth in his fist while chuckling darkly.

  “Damian would never kill me.” I noticed how she didn’t include Lucifer in that assertion. Too many predictions said the devil would die by the hand of his son.

  “Damian is but a small child with many years ahead of him to decide what kind of man he’ll be. One shaped by you and his father.”

  She groaned. “That’s what I’m afraid of. I swear, I don’t know how Muriel turned out so good in Lucifer’s care.”

  “Maybe she turned out fine because he’s a good dad?” It sounded wrong to even say it.

  Gaia’s nose wrinkled. “Does a good father threaten to feed his child to the hellhounds if he shits through his nappy one more time?”

  “I’m sure he wouldn’t.” Not my most reassuring statement.

  “He’d better not. But I don’t need Luc finding any more excuses to eliminate Damian. Which is why you need to find that prophecy for me. To debunk it before my husband finds it.”

  “This would have been easier and faster if you’d just snapped your fingers and taken me to Atlantis for a peek,” I grumbled.

  “I would have, but they installed some kind of dampener since my last visit.”

  “Can’t whirl your way in?”

  “No,” she said, sounding most disgruntled. “The nerve of that king, spelling Atlantis against me.”

  “Join me when we dock there in a few days and show them who’s boss.”

  Gaia shook her head. “I am tempted but shouldn’t. There is something wrong with that island. A lack of connection to the land, my land, weakens me.”

  I had a theory about that. “It’s because Atlantis was built almost entirely from the sea.”

  She grimaced. “And the ocean depths, including its denizens, belong to the Neptune family. But who helped them build those kelp farms and created those pretty-colored corals? Me. Yet I don’t get any credit.” Gaia scowled, and somewhere, a tornado probably tore up a few trees.

  “Utterly unfair,” I agreed.

  “I should get going. The baby will wake soon.” A good mother, Gaia didn’t leave home for long these days, given Damian proved to be a demanding son of the devil. Like father, like the child of his loins. Gaia spoiled the boy rotten, and thus far, no one had dared interfere. There were, however, wagers on just how bad the little prince would become.

  “I can’t keep doing these favors for you,” I reiterated, not for the first time.

  Her smile caused butterflies to burst free from the cascade of her hair and flit around the room in a riot of brightness. “I do so appreciate it. You are the best librarian there is. The one most suited to finding secrets. And keeping them.”

  Flattery. Even an old demon wasn’t immune.

  “I am only doing it because I’ve never seen the Atlantis library.” Nobody had since it sank. What kind of wonders did it hold? Ancients secrets. The best kind.

  “Be sure to report to me the moment you locate something.”

  “What if there’s nothing to find?”

  “I’m sure you’ll finagle an interesting tidbit. If you do, I’ll grant you a boon.”

  “Better be a good one.” Because if Lucifer found out that I was working with his wife, I’d be feeding the hounds.

  “Oh, it’s good.” Gaia winked. “You’ll soon see. Now, I must be off. Have fun.”

  “Doubtful.”

  “Ah, yes, the nephew thing.” She knew right away the source of my turned-down lips. “I wouldn’t worry too much. I have a feeling things will work themselves out.”

  “Really?” A goddess alluding to the future? Truth, or telling me what I wanted to hear so I wouldn’t be distracted from her task? I didn’t doubt for one moment that she’d manipulate me if it suited her purposes.

  Rather than clarify her statement, Gaia said, “You should get yourself a drink. I hear the piña coladas are especially nice when sipped on the fifth-level deck.” With that advice, she swirled out of sight.

  I went looking for a cocktail. The day needed some alcohol.

  I almost choked on a candied cherry—because the colada came decked out and frothy—when I heard her voice. “Hello, Shax. It’s been a long time.”

  2

  Dorothy: A lady should always be pleasant. Even with jerks

  I don’t know what possessed me. I could have avoided Shax. Just walked right on past and he might never have even noticed.

  He certainly didn’t see me back in the day. I’d tried so hard to get Shax to look at me with smoldering heat instead of friendly interest. But the man was more excited about some arcane tidbit in a dusty book than the fact that I’d worn a new frock.

  Shax, the librarian. No last name that I ever heard. Once a person joined that almost religious institution, they shed their past. I had thought for a while they might also discard their sexuality, given Shax never showed any interest.

  And I tried. Coy smiles. The fleeting touch of my hand on his. Back then, I’d even been scandalous enough to show him my ankles.

  But Shax only had one love�
��his books.

  That scholarly bent saw him shunned by his family, who took more pride in the males who followed a warriors path. Yet the disapproval didn’t stop Shax from following his passion.

  For knowledge. Not me.

  It still burned. Kind of like the library I’d accidentally helped to partially destroy. In my defense, the fire had been accidental and not entirely my fault. The flood, however…

  All in the past. Just like my crush on him.

  Shax looked at me, his eyes not the deep brown I recalled. A ruddy hue filled the depths, but the same thick lashes framed them. He met my gaze and didn’t look away. The shyness of before vanished.

  This new directness took me by surprise. I expected him to ask who I was. After all, it had been centuries since we’d seen each other. I’d changed.

  So had he. I recognized him, but barely. It was his good looks that had initially caught my attention. A handsome guy, lounging in a chair, his features matured into a craggy ruggedness with a tan that belied his scholarly pursuits. His thick, dark hair had hints of silver at the temples. His horns, part of the deal that’d turned him demi-demon were trimmed short.

  It reminded me of an expression. The bigger the horns, the tinier the brains. It might be why the devil didn’t have any. Lucifer might play the part of dumb rube, but that façade only hid the sharpest mind.

  “Dottie.”

  Hearing the old nickname did something to my heart. Shax remembered me.

  I did my best to not stutter. A woman of my years had grace and confidence. A mere male could not frazzle me. I gave him my coldest regard. “It’s been a while.” Since the day I’d thrown caution to the wind and kissed him. It’d turned into a fire, a real one that’d resulted in him throwing me out of the library. And his life.

  At least I had the fortitude not to go back, begging for forgiveness.

  “You look…” He eyed me, and while he masked any revulsion, I had to wonder what he thought. I knew perfectly well how I appeared. Old. After all, on the human plane, I was a grandmother, a talented witch living as a woman in my sixties. “…really good.”

  “And you’ve gotten better at lying.”

  A slow smile crossed his lips. “Would I lie to an old friend?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s been a while.”

  “Has it?” I played dumb, mostly because I remembered exactly how long it’d been. Too long. Back when I was a simple witch in training.

  “Are you going on this cruise?”

  My lips twitched. “Evidence would say yes given we’ve left shore.” Which meant we were both stuck on board. Didn’t bother me one bit. Especially since I could leave the ship anytime I wanted. Portals could be opened and, if close enough to land, I could hop a broom and sweep myself to shore.

  Run away, though? No. I could totally handle Shax. He meant nothing to me.

  And I meant nothing to him. He appeared calm and collected. Suave even.

  “How you been?” He injected a bit of Joey in there. If you’d never heard that character from the sitcom Friends, that basically meant Shax talked smoothly and sexily. It proved jarring, as did the deeper voice.

  In the years long past, he used to stammer and never meet my gaze. At the time, I adored that about him, even as it frustrated me.

  “I’ve been quite excellent. You?” I kept smiling even as I wanted to leave. Why torture myself talking to him? And me at such a disadvantage. He looked good, and I was old.

  Shax didn’t immediately reply. He stared at me. Intently.

  I said nothing. Just waited.

  “As a matter of fact, it hasn’t been all that great.”

  “Didn’t make it past librarian’s assistant?” I sneered. Okay, so I wasn’t past being petty.

  “Actually, I am head librarian now. Everyone works for me.”

  “Congratulations.” Not completely insincere. If he’d attained the post, then he’d obviously worked hard to get it.

  “No one ever explained that being the boss came with so many annoyances, though. I can see why Lucifer hates his job.”

  “Close to the devil these days, are you?”

  “Ever since we made the deal for these.” He waved to his horns.

  “What happened to not selling your soul? You were so against it.” I still remembered him telling me that he’d never agree to a deal with Lucifer. One I’d helped broker with the dark lord.

  He stared at me as I told him my news. “The Lord of Hell says he can save your library from the coming cataclysm. But it has to be soon.” Everyone was evacuating before the lava could take out the entire city.

  “There’s a price,” Shax said. He didn’t look me in the eyes as he spoke. He rarely did. “To save the library, I must let the devil transform me.”

  “Into a demi-demon?” The closest he could get to remaining human. “There are so many advantages.”

  “Are you here to promote the positive points?” He spoke more harshly than I’d ever heard. “I’ll live longer. Be stronger.”

  He made it sound bad. “You will be able to protect the library. Isn’t that what you want?” Whereas I had selfish reasons for wanting him to make the deal. As a powerful sea witch with a deal already in place with Lucifer, I’d be long-lived. As a human, Shax wouldn’t be.

  “It requires that I relinquish my soul to him.”

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds. I’ve already promised my soul to the devil,” I reminded.

  “I want to be me,” Shax replied. “Not a demon.”

  “Not all demons are bad.”

  “But they aren’t human.”

  “Neither am I.”

  His reply snapped me back to the present. “It occurred to me in those last days that I could either save the library and myself or lose it all. I chose to live.”

  “And now you regret it. Typical.” I snorted.

  “Actually, being a demi-demon isn’t bad. It has allowed me to achieve every single goal I set for myself. What I didn’t realize was how hollow those would feel.”

  “You should count yourself lucky. Lucifer rarely changes humans anymore.” The dark lord had never said why he stopped doing it, but I figured it had to do with giving part of himself to effectuate the change. The demons Lucifer created were stronger than those born.

  “At least being a demi-demon is better than living the life of the unliving as a ghoul or vampire. I don’t know if I could handle being trapped on Earth with an allergy to sunlight.”

  “Vampires are now considered sexy.”

  “You trying to tell me I chose wrong?” He grinned at me.

  “You fishing for a compliment?”

  He winked.

  Shax winked.

  Hell must have frozen over again.

  “So, you like being a demi-demon and get to be the library’s big boss. Still not seeing how your life sucks.”

  “Perhaps sucks isn’t the right word. Empty maybe. Lonely.”

  “You should get a dog.”

  “Not that kind of lonely.”

  “There are dating services these days you can use. And last I heard, you can still rent by the hour.”

  His lips curved. “I see you’re sharper than ever. I always liked that about you.”

  He did?

  “Don’t let the body fool you. It’s only a wrapper.” Inside, I was still in my prime.

  “I imagine you can shed it at will, like a chrysalis. It would be interesting to see what shape you took.”

  “Still would be the same on the inside.”

  “Sugar and spice, naughty and nice.” The grin he offered held a hint of the devil. Perhaps influence of his maker.

  He had aptly summed me up, though. I might be a witch, but I wasn’t pure evil. Just like the devil wasn’t all torture and angst. Some kind of balance had to exist. Too far one way, and you got the despots who were kept chained in Hell. Too far the other, and you had those pompous angels with their noses in the air who wouldn’t lift a h
and to do anything.

  “And how would you describe yourself?” I asked.

  “Complex.”

  I snorted. “Give me a break. If that’s supposed to make you sound mysterious, then it failed.”

  “So, you think you know me?”

  “You can’t have changed that much.” I said it, and yet the proof stood before me. He’d changed. A lot!

  “Did you come on the cruise alone?”

  “If you’re fishing to know if I’m single, then yes, I am.” No point in lying. He had connections and could check. “But not interested in dating. Especially not you.” I meant to fluster him.

  Instead, he gave me the cockiest grin. “I accept the challenge.”

  My mouth rounded into an O of surprise, mostly because the Shax I remembered never volunteered to do anything. He took orders.

  “This is not some kind of game. I really am not interested in dating you.”

  “Because you feel like you don’t know me. Totally understandable. We’ll rectify that.”

  “Please. You are not going to date me looking like this.”

  He eyed me most seriously. “Why not? Are you claiming that I can only be interested in superficial cosmetics and not the person themselves?”

  “Do not turn this around. You cannot seriously tell me you’re attracted.” I’d not aged well. I couldn’t have said why. I chose to let myself turn into a caricature of what I thought a grandma should be.

  “Really, Dottie. Where are your morals? Already talking about sex when we’ve barely just met.”

  I almost knocked the mocking smirk from his face. “There will be no sex.” Hotly declared even though my old body actually had some interest.

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so.”

  “We can discuss it more later. I have dinner plans, but I don’t think we’ve got anything happening after.”

  “You’re not here alone?” Sudden hot jealousy filled me.

  “No.”

  My heart might have shrunk a little at the words. “Cad!”

  His lips quirked. “I’m here with my nephew.”

  The jealousy subsided. “You have a nephew?”

  “A pair of them, actually. A few times removed in one case, but they’re family. Ian actually came to live with me. This is a bon voyage trip for us.”